woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
