Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
