Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
