I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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