Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
