So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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