What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
