I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize