Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
