***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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