About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
