Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
