You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
