Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
And then he peed in my hair
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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