no, he came in my armpit
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
