Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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