I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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