physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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