seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
