I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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