Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Randomize
