like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
