ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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