He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
