you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
