Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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