i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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