If i come over, it means nothing
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
