the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
