just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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