His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
