Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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