It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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