Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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