I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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