i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
