I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
