everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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