Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
