You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
