Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
