there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
