Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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