I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
