Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The Olympian is in my bed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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