I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
