meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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