tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Terrible idea I love it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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