did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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