Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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