im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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