He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
