Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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