At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
