What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
