Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
