So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
