my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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