Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
