I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was confusing and full of hummus
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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