This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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