she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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