I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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