I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
the raccoons are back...
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