remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
