u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
