Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
