Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
