we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
