glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What drink are we having for lunch?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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