He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
God, I missed his penis.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
