i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
