At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
