So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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