After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
